Ode to a Friend

The amazing American poet, Mary Oliver, once wrote:

“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement”

Now Richard Brubaker was never a bride, but didn’t he live a life that was totally “married to amazement”!!! For “Bru” life was a source of constant “amazement”:

As a son he was amazed at the direction his life journey took after losing his father to polio when Richard was only eight years old.

As a scientist he was amazed at the intricate and miraculous working of the human body; especially the eye.

As a husband he was amazed that life provided him with a partner for 53 years after only a three week courtship.

In 2000 he retired at the ripe old age of 63; not because he had to, but because there just wasn’t time to do all the things that he felt he wanted and needed to do….he was “married to amazement”

There are many, many words that can be used to describe some of the activities and achievements in Richard’s life, but there is one term that not one or two, but many have used over the last few weeks to describe Bru. It is not a term that I have used, but others have:  “RENAISSANCE MAN,”defined as “a person with many talents or areas of knowledge”

Hmmmm….does it fit?  You tell me.

• SON                                       
• PHILANTHROPIST
• BROTHER               
• FARMER

He didn’t like weeds much. And he decided that if he got to know them better, he might love them more. So he took the pictures of many of the weeds that he disliked, and he made flash cards out of them as a way to get to know them.

Did he learn to love them?  I doubt it!  But it certainly changed his attitude toward them!

• HUSBAND                            
• SINGER He was a barbershopper; he sang for decades.
• FATHER                                          
• ROTARIAN
• GRANDFATHER Only a loving grandfather would be willing to tell stories to his grandchildren on what to them seemed like interminable road trips using a road atlas as his primary source of inspiration!       
• SCHOLAR
• CLASSMATE Did you know that he was elected by his classmates to be the president of his class   at Harvard Medical school? Well…there was a meeting called one day for the purpose of electing a class president. Various nominations were made: I nominate (so-and-so) because he was a Rhodes scholar. I nominate (so-and-so) because she was #1 in her graduating class.    Finally, one student took to the floor and stated, “I nominate Richard Brubaker because he can whistle out of both sides of his mouth!” And he was elected unanimously by loud acclamation!  
• ENTREPRENEUR                          
• WRITER From works of fiction to hundreds of scholarly articles.
• PHYSICIAN                         
• ATHLETE An avid runner, even a marathoner for over 40 years. In his 50’s he took up ice hockey founding “The Eyes Hockey Team” which met every Wednesday night for 20 years.  He took up snowboarding in his 60’s.
• SURGEON                           
• MENTOR
• RESEACHER INVENTOR/DESIGNER/BUILDER   (that’s one word)! After the “Cryo-extractor” I can’t begin to pronounce the others until we get to “Bike boats” and the patented “Bag Tamer” (which, by the way,  I use every week as I get ready to put out the trash!)
• MUSICIAN In his 70’s he was inspired and encouraged to take up the soprano saxophone. (I’ll bet Nancy was happy that it wasn’t the accordion!    Maybe he was saving that for his 80’s! And that whistling out of both sides of his mouth?  It was in harmony! There are recordings to prove it!

But…..RENAISSANCE MAN?   Yeah….. I guess you’re right.

But to me….he was “Bru”

• As a CREATIVE ARTIST
• a WISE TEACHER
• a FRIEND

And in those relationships, I learned a lot!

As a CREATIVE ARTIST it began as what one might call a “religious experience” in a church; not in the sanctuary, but on he other end of the building; in the fellowship hall.

It was 2014, and my wife Lori and I had just recently moved to Rochester. We were sitting, alone, having coffee after worship when a well-dressed, handsome man approached our table and introduced himself:

            “Hello…I’m Richard Brubaker”

Soon we were introduced to his wife Nancy.

Isn’t it interesting that some relationships can, in a short period of time, flourish.  While others, if ever…take years, to grow. This one was pretty much immediate.

A couple of Sundays passed. Once again it was after church, over coffee at the same table, but this time no introductions were necessary. I was lamenting the fact that we had lived in Oronoco for months now, yet there was still not even house numbers out front to identify our home.Bru said, “I have equipment that I use for cutting and welding metal. Maybe I could help you with that”  And soon….. there was a sign, now standing proudly at the end of our former driveway.

Several months passed. Again:  after church…over coffee…..at the same table…..I mentioned that we have a large, wall in our home that we would like to fill with a piece of art that reflects something of our stories together, Lori’s and mine.   Bru said, “Maybe I could help you with that”. And eventually, there was phone call.: “Could you and Lori come by the house.  I have a piece ready for you to see”.

On the way to the house we said to each other, “But what if we don’t like it? Then what do we do?” But sitting in their living room listening to Bru, the creative artist, read an explanation of his inspiration and the story behind the piece and its symbolism, both of us in were in tears.  We knew that this was a piece of art that we were going to love as much as we loved the artist.

We moved into the dining room where the art was hanging. Nancy was quick to add, “If you don’t like it I’ll keep it, because I love it”.

And today, “Ode to Joy” hangs in a place of honor in our home.

It is a lasting testament to a creative artist, along with the lesson that we, like him, are always to share our gifts lovingly and freely.

And as a WISE TEACHER?

Over the four years I knew him that was always clear, but never more clearly shown than in the last days before his death.  He talked openly and honestly about his diagnosis. In typical Bru fashion he could say: 

I DON’T LIKE THIS NEWS, BUT I AM GRATEFUL. MANY DO NOT KNOW HOW OR WHEN THEY WILL DIE. I DO. MANY DO NOT HAVE ALL OF THEIR ORIGINAL PARTS LIKE ORGANS OR HIPS OR KNEES, I DO. MANY DO NOT HAVE THE FULL USE OF A SOUND MIND. I DO. And with a glint in his eye he added:  FOR THE MOST PART!

He continued: IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE, AND IF THE QUESTION IS “DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS? THE ANSWER IS:  NONE. As one who lived life fully, he could say “I have no fear of death. ”That’s what I learned from the WISE TEACHER:  to share whatever wisdom one has humbly and honestly.

But perhaps the greatest truth that I received was not from the ARTIST or even the TEACHER…but from the FRIEND. I learned that our love must be shared freely and sincerely. Just days before his death he paid me perhaps the greatest compliment that anyone can ever give: He said:  “I’M GRATEFUL THAT YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE.”

Mary Oliver also wrote:

To Live in this world

you must be able

to do three things:

to love what is mortal;

to hold it

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it

go,

to let it go.

For “Bru” that time came when he gently and peacefully “let it go” But because his life was so “married to amazement”, our lives will never be the same.